never underestimate the power of a good sunless tan

I will never forget sitting in 8th grade English class and witnessing something truly frightening: the girl in the next row who'd had a disastrous run-in with a bottle of QT. Anyone over the age of 30 remembers QT (aka: Quik Tan) and the trademark orange streaky skin of any naive soul who tried it. That was the infancy of sunless tanner, I guess... the black & white TV with rabbit ears to the HD plasma flat screen of today. Sunless tanner has come a long way, baby.

So far, in fact, that I use it on my nearly-translucent 3 year old.

Now, before you think I'm the world's worst mother, you must first know the extent of paleness from which my sweet middle boy suffers. Just like the mutant straight blonde hair recessive genes they all seemed to get, Gray got a many-generations-back ivory paste gene from somewhere on Mark's Nordic side of the family. Definitely not from me, a descendent of Sacagawea (and no, I am not kidding about that.) Miller and Everett are brown as little coconuts... especially Everett, whose legs are so tan that even I am jealous. But Gray, with his strawberry blonde hair, just missed out that easy-to-tan skin that the other boys got. He needs a little help.

Each morning after his bath I use Jergen's natural glow body lotion on him. In all fairness, this is not a regular, full-strength, miss-a-spot-and-you'll-pay-the-price-tomorrow kind of sunless tanner. This is lotion with a *hint* of sunless tanner. The kind that shows up after days of use. And since Mark doesn't buy into my little plan, he only gets sunless tanned a few days a week. It is still enough to make his beach tan stick around for awhile, and make him look a little less peaked.

Because we ALL know that everyone looks better with a tan. Why is that?

Here are my favorite sunless tanners:

1) Neutrogena Instant Bronze foam. Man, does this stuff work. But please don't use it before going out in public. Put it on before bed and then immediately shower when you wake up. It is enough to induce a migraine, but the migraine is almost worth the gorgeous hue you'll be upon awakening.

2) Jergens Natural Glow. Less stinky. Less likely to streak, but it will streak if you don't have a base tan. Do yourself a favor and get out in the sun a bit first. A little vitamin D won't hurt you:-)

3) Oil of Olay Touch of Sun. My new favorite. The smell takes me back to college and "Victoria" perfume by Victoria's Secret. It is very similar, and reminds me of my purple v-neck sweater from the Limited that I paired with black leggings. Thank God the early 90's are over. Anyway, the lotion is really silky and goes on better than the Jergens, and the smell dissipates within a few hours of applying it. Use it every morning after you shower. (And if you don't shower every morning, SHAME ON YOU! Okay, I'm kidding. Kind of. I'm a shower every day kind of girl, and can't even fathom not showering at least once a day, if not more. Cleanliness is not overrated.)

Yes, Mark thinks I'm a total nut for lathering my 3 year old in self tanner, but oh well. After being married to me for almost 10 years, he knows not to be surprised by anything that happens at this house.