this isn't the last time you'll hear me whining about this

Today we saw a developmental pediatric psychologist for Gray. After his speech evaluation, we realized we needed to pursue his issues more, and got a referral to the group affiliated with our pediatricians.

And this is the part where I start to bang my head against the wall because everyone says something different.

I'll back up. In January, at the urging of his two wonderful preschool teachers, we had a screening done at the public school system for speech and hearing. He passed the speech part by the skin of his teeth, and only because the administrator had him give his answer to ME, and not her. (He doesn't speak to people he doesn't know.) He didn't pass the hearing. We were told to come back when he turned four if we still had concerns. I was too naive to protest or demand further evaluation, and was just glad that he passed.

I went and observed him in his preschool class a month or so after that - over the course of several mornings - and could definitely see how his behavior was disconcerting to his teachers. Although he loved school and talked about it all of the time at home, he didn't speak while he was there. And although he loved playing with his friends, he played along side of them, and not in any sort of interactive play. (Except for playing "chase" on the playground.) About that time is when he complained of his ears, and we had them flushed out at the pediatrician's office. The dr. mentioned that it can cause a 30-40 decibel hearing loss if there is too much wax. It was also about this time that I noticed he has a bifid uvula, meaning that if you look at his uvula, it is split into two parts.

Then this summer a friend who is a speech language pathologist gave him a full evaluation. The diagnosis? He is moderately to severely speech delayed for his age, and needs speech therapy, preferably twice a week. (Yet remember, he "passed" the screening at the school system.) At her urging, we also saw an ENT (well, two, since the first visit stunk) to rule out palate problems that are sometimes related to bifid uvulas. The speech therapist noticed he does this weird arm flapping thing when he is excited, and mentioned that that can sometimes be a marker for autism. She said we may want to get it checked out, but after observing him interact with me and Everett at home, didn't really feel like he had many of the signs that other autistic kids she has worked with have.

Which brings us to today. We saw a pediatric psychologist who was "very concerned" about the arm flapping and his socialization (ie: not speaking in class, parallel play, etc) and thinks we need an evaluation by an autism program in Chapel Hill as well as a full developmental work-up. She'll be contacting the school system (yep, the same school system that passed him back in January) and a program run by the Health Department that coordinates early intervention services. She thinks we'll need not only speech therapy, but also occupational therapy. And did I mention that by federal law he can't start speech therapy through the school system until he definitely passes or doesn't pass a hearing test, so we have to wait until October to even get him started?

Yes, I just sprouted three new gray hairs.

Of course, I think about all of the wasted time. The time that Mark and I thought "That's just Gray. He's shy. He has quirks. He's just a late talker." It makes me a little sick. I'm just ready for a team of people to look at him together, and say "This is what is going on with your kid, and this is what we're going to do to fix it." But until then, I'll keep playing detective, and dragging him to every kind of specialist, even though they all tell me something different.

And drinking a lot of wine in the process.

ps - Miller's teacher is MIA and Miller hates the substitute, who he thinks is mean. He got into the car at dismissal with a tear-stained face and sobbed the entire way home. Today ROCKED.

pps - I love explaining to everyone why my 15 month old has a black eye. I considered trying out a straight-faced "Oh, I punched him", but then figured not everyone would get my sarcasm, and a visit from the Department of Social Services is the last thing I need right now.